Well now, here we are, on the eve of 2019 – a rather unspectacular year 2018 was, though the highlights near the end certainly looked somewhat promising. I’ve been going steady on a job I enjoy with coworkers I am rather fond of. I’ve been reconnecting with people that I haven’t seen in a while, in some cases, years. I’m making efforts to attend events and be a social person, even if the easier route is to live within my own head in my apartment, diving deep into one strategic game or another that ultimately amounts to naught. In all, not a completely wasted year, but it’s got a fair share of disappointment too.
Love and all things romance has its high points, but 2019 could use a bigger step up. Work abruptly ending between Feb-Sep really hurt my ability to amass any savings to pursue any of my ambitions. Even now, the current job pays a rather paltry sum – it is somewhat frustrating, to be frank, that others I know who are roughly in my educational circle, are making 3-4 times my rate, for work I too would be more than capable of. I am of course happy for their own successes, just rather restless about my lack thereof. We all have breaking points, and while it’s nice to know mine comes with quite a bit of resilience, I’d rather just not test it all that often.
Another area that has totally fallen off my radar is my own physical health: a good sense of habit built in the first 7 months has disappeared, and the physique pays its toll in increased weight and general lack of stamina. I’m not totally at a loss, but it’s definitely not anywhere close any of my projected targets. But on that note, perhaps I should identify the areas to focus on for 2019:
1) Graduate is a must, given the urgency of the program having ended.
2) Physical workouts to be reintroduced into the schedule. Saturday mornings seem like the best candidate. Aim for Weds night as the acceptable losses.
3) Keep at least one in-person social ‘obligation’ per week. While some events coming up will work itself out for this, I should also seek to be proactive like I was this past year.
4) Grab the reins and be bolder with my initiatives. While a great deal many failed to live up to my imagination/expectations, some of them worked out great. I just have to accept that failure (or less harshly, lack of acceptable success) is part of the process and if you don’t throw coals into the fire at all, then you get nothing more than imaginary points.
5) Find the words to write. As usual, the writing frequency tapers off, and while the year lacked highlights worth notarizing, a simple aphorism or reflection can never hurt.
Just those focuses should be more than enough to get myself to 2020. One last piece of advice to myself when reading this again at some point (if ever): you can’t change others for themselves, only you for your own self. Build your base, be confident in what you have to present as worthwhile. And since you struggle with this point, remember specifically: focus on honoring actual obligations, and not imagined ones. Rest as often as you need the strength to meet your challenges.
And perhaps, if you can, try to stick to 2 hours at most a day of entertainment. The games are so fun, yes, their strategic components scratches at a compulsive itch within your addicted mind. But oh, there’s 5 goals you have to focus on, important ones at that, and time spent in these virtual realms can never help you reach that. A great escape that you certainly can’t deny, but deny it you must. Your restless mind, properly channeled, can tackle much better objectives with actualized consequences.